meltdowns and progress

today was hard for many reasons. the children are really poorly behaved and do not heed corrective commands. a great mom, becky, told us that is normal for kids from Shenzhen SWI. the staff/nannies give in to every demand and do not enforce rules. if the children cry or pitch a fit, the staff gives them what they want. so having two children that lived there for so long, they do not take the word no easily. if they do not get their way, they ignore you and give you the silent treatment. we all wonder how much to just let them have their own way and where to draw the line.

on one hand, if you give in, you are establishing precedent...on the other it is hard to bond with a child who is rejecting you because you are not a pushover. being a pushover goes against every shred of parenting instinct i have.

i cannot blog or check emails the way i want to, because everytime i try to, shianna commandeers my computer. basha already can say computer. ugh! really? that word you picked up in two days? we didn't even teach it to her. she is scary smart.

she had a fit...and i mean FIT in a restaurant tonight because the waiter brought her a coke. we are not soda drinkers and we fear what caffeine like that will do to her CP. also it was late and we need her to sleep as stress will make her spasms worse. i was not at the table. i was dining with shianna at a friend's table. baba got to witness the fit. when he asked the waiter to take it away she started almost convulsing and jerking around crying. whoa! baba thought quick on his feet and ordered her an orange juice by drawing a picture of an orange for the waiter. crisis ended. but a bit scary.

we finally found a limitation of basha's due to her cerebral palsy...flipflops are not her friend. they don't stay on her feet and make her trip. otherwise, she has good balance. the CP is a non issue so far. we don't even notice it much. in case anyone doesn't already know-people with mild CP have normal IQ usually. they have sustained some sort of inner brain injury that affects muscle control. there is no reason why anyone should fear this diagnosis when mild. of course, severe cases have much more disability.

shianna had meltdowns over basha teasing her for snoring. the reason she did was that shianna was complaining that basha snores and basha told her that she does too. i have yet to hear basha snore, but shianna keeps me awake with her lumber jacking. good thing our guide happened to be there when this fight was going on and helped diffuse the situation.

then she melted down over my camera card being full. i haven't gotten many pictures because she steals my camera from me every time i take it out. i asked the guide to explain to her that i had to delete some of the photos she took. she takes over 100 a day and is a lousy photographer. oh well, can't say i care much about pics of China as i really dislike being here anyway. i would just as soon forget this place exists. i was so excited to steep myself in it...tastes, smells, people, culture, everything. i had hoped it would be my second home(like florida is for me) but it has only been a reminder of how awful the trip has been.

i hate our hotel, our guide is almost useless and too busy to give us good care, we have only seen the insides of the hotel and the government adoption offices. i haven't learned anything about the history of anything and we have been here for almost 5 days. the cultural differences are hard...like everyone snorts and spits lugies everywhere. many people are judgemental and unwilling to help, no hospitality that is for sure. everything i thought was true about this country must be some sort of propaganda garbage.

we did go to some park today that was pretty. and only because we asked our guide to take us. a veteran adopter pointed out a 1000 year old bridge that was beautiful. but for the most part, i keep waiting to fall in love or at the least grow an appreciation for this place.

i am glad i never spent my money to vacation here. a legacy tour is looking unlikely at this stage.

i am not meaning to complain, but we are miserable. if i don't get it out i will certainly fall into a depression. i apologize to any reader who loves it here if i offend you, but those are my real feelings.

basha had an experience today. we took them to the hotel pool(gorgeous) and i was helping shianna to get undressed. basha ripped off her overclothes and jumped in the pool. apparently she has never been in a pool! she went under, came up but not enough to get a breath, rolled over and over. scott jumped in after her as i screamed grab her! GRAB HER! he brought her up and she put her feet down. she didn't cry, just sputtered. many people drown in shallow water because they don't think to put their feet down and stand up. the "lifeguard" gave us a really dirty look-like we were bad parents or something. we didn't know she was fearless. besides he never moved to help her. then he told scott he couldn't stay in the pool with his shirt on. scott won't swim without a shirt. so i got stuck watching two newbies in the pool. talk about stressful.

well, at least when well meaning people say we saved her life by adopting her, it will be the truth. baba saved her-literally!

she isn't afraid of the water now which may be a mixed blessing. she needs to be watched like a hawk. she has so much joy and passion for trying new things, it is like having a real life Little Mermaid-Ariel for a daughter. i am surprised she didn't brush her hair with a fork. she told baba to shave his goatee off today. too new for her. men here do not wear facial hair.

they also tease scott in a really mean way about his size. wait til they see obese america! oh boy! they are going to offend many people by pointing, gesturing and laughing. if this might include any of my readers, i apologize for my rotten children. i assure you, we will be working on both compassion and manners over the next couple years.

okay, now for positives...

basha has refused to let me show her any affection. she loves playing with me. we play in the bath every night. last night i made her a boat out of a water bottle and the hotel shampoo was the fisherman, then we counted to see how long she could put her face in the water. tonight we blew shower gel bubbles from our fingers and inserted wet fingers inside them without popping them. i actually was able to blow some that floated in the air until she popped them. we also made funky hairstyles with the shampoo lather. bath time is laughter and bonding. she usually adores baba, but has been upset with him that he reprimanded inappropriate behaviors then wouldn't let her have a coke. he is getting the full blown rejection.

BUT here is the amazing thing. she has taken a shine to a man in our travel group and held his hand all the way home from dinner. when we got back to the hotel, she "waltzed" with him for a minute. she let go of him and grabbed my hands to dance with me for a brief minute. my heart just about stopped. it was the first time she has initiated any physical contact like that. i wept for joy. i am so thankful to him for opening her up to give me such a gift!

anyone who got irritated at their child for anything today, go hug them, appreciate them, love on them. we take for granted all the small gifts that they are on a daily basis. my highlight of today was spinning in two circles with my daughter. can  you count on one hand how many times your child has shown any spark of love to you? if not, take a hard look at who they are in your life. i admit, i have taken my own biological children for granted since day one. this little one has schooled me-BIG TIME.

shianna on the other hand showers me with affection. kisses. i love yous. hugs. dancing. letting me care for her wounds and help her shower. she can't get enough. i am so blessed. if we only adopted the one and she was rejecting me, i would be broken. but this special girl appreciates me. now, i am not saying it will last. she will turn on me at some point i know. so for now, i rejoice and bask in her love.

LORD, YOU HAVE HUMBLED ME. YOU HAVE SHOWN ME LOVE THAT I NEVER COULD HAVE IMAGINED EXISTED. THANK YOU. I UNDERSTAND FIRST HAND HOW ADOPTION BLESSES US MORE THAN WE BLESS OUR ORPHANS. THANK YOU FOR MY MIRACLES OF PRECIOUS LIFE. IT IS HARD. REAL HARD. BUT YOU GIVE ME WHAT I NEED TO GET THROUGH EACH TRIAL AND TRIUMPH. I RELY ON YOU FULLY. PLEASE HELP OUR JOURNEY IN COUNTRY TO GET BETTER. HELP ME TO LOVE THEIR HOMELAND AS MUCH AS I LOVE ITS DAUGHTERS. SHOW OTHERS THE AMAZING GIFTS THAT ADOPTION BRINGS. THROUGH THE BAD AND HARD, THERE IS JOY. ALWAYS JOY. EVEN WHEN WE ARE SAD...JOY REMAINS. MAKE THE WORD ORPHAN OBSOLETE. CHANGE OUR HEARTS TO STOP LIVING FOR OURSELVES AND INSTEAD TRUST IN YOU TO ANSWER THE CALL TO CARE FOR YOUR ORPHANS. I AM SORRY WE ARE DIFFICULT CHILDREN AND THAT WE BREAK YOUR HEART, TREAT OTHERS BADLY, AND  TAKE YOU FOR GRANTED. I STAND CORRECTED AND AM HEARTILY SORRY FOR MY TRESPASSES AGAINST YOU AND YOUR CHILDREN. YOUR PLANS ARE PERFECT. THANK YOU FOR TRUSTING US WITH BASHA AND SHIANNA. HELP THEM TO KNOW YOU AND BE OBEDIENT TO YOUR COMMANDS. I ASK ALL THINGS THROUGH CHRIST'S SACRIFICE AND GREAT LOVE. AMEN.

here are a few picture shianna and i took today...

 this speaks volumes

 shianna in the pool

 kids in front of super old bridge- built in 1100 maybe

 mommy love

 huge building-beautiful

cool archway