yesterday i called my 97 year old grandmother in Florida. she wanted to know how my husband felt about adopting two more children. i told her that he is so happy with the adoption, he talks about doing it again.
BUT, what he doesn't tell many people is that his biggest struggle with the adoption has been overwhelming guilt. he feels guilty that he isn't at home to bond with the children. he feels guilty that i am left alone all day with four kids. he feels guilty that he resents his job that keeps him away from his family so much. he feels guilty that some of our friends can't understand why he is tired or reluctant to do social things on his rare days off. he feels guilty that today is Saturday and he hasn't seen the children since Monday. literally he is gone before they are up and home well after we are asleep on most days.
don't get us wrong. we thank God that he has a job that supports us and that he truly loves(most of the time). but now that he has more to love about his life, he wants to be able to enjoy it. we think back to before we started the adoption journey. our lives were missing something. now, our lives are full.
full of joy, laughs, learning, growing, bonding, love...
today he woke up happy! no, seriously...the man woke up happy! that is not something i can say happens often. he climbed into bed last night at 3:15 AM after a 16 hour day. the phone woke him up less than 8 hours later. he was not grumpy. he was not begging for more sleep. he woke up smiling. when i asked him what he wanted to do today, he already had the day planned. he NEVER has a Saturday off. it is a very rare thing for a bar manager at a golf club.
he was going to spend the day with his girls. that was all. just with his girls. not having "me" time, not doing "man-stuff."
just simply...enjoy his daughters. revel in the blessings God has given us.
well, he wasn't just going to sit and stare at them all day. that i knew. what does he have planned?
did you figure it out? foraging for wood with a friend + unloading said wood with four little helpers = a giant bonfire tonight and burnt marshmallows. maybe mom should go thaw out some hotdogs! i am sure S and B have never charred their own dinner over a huge fire before. i can't tell you how fun it is to watch older children have firsts!
THANK YOU GOD FOR MY STRONG HUSBAND. THANK YOU FOR CREATING A MAN WHO PUTS YOU FIRST THEN TREASURES HIS FAMILY. I HAVE NEVER FELT SAFER OR MORE LOVED THAN WHEN YOU MADE HIM NEW AS A CHRISTIAN HUSBAND. I REVEL IN YOUR GIFTS! I ASK YOU TO FORGIVE THE WORLD WHO HAS TURNED THEIR BACKS ON YOUR CALL. PLEASE HELP THEM TO OPEN THEIR EYES, ACCEPT YOU INTO THEIR HEARTS, AND HEED YOUR COMMAND TO RISE UP AND BE MEN OF FAITH. AMEN.