Friday, August 31, 2012

shhh...i'm hunting wrabbits

i have posted before about hiding out when life gets too much. i kept thinking about blogging, but couldn't bring myself to post.

the thought of family and friends not knowing what was new with us was bothering me. i know what it is like to be a blog stalker. i have been stalking for months-sometimes several times a day lately. 

i told myself i wasn't hiding, just had nothing to blog about. 

overwhelmed/in the weeds? nah...shhh...i'm just hunting wrabbits. i'm hunkered down in the weeds, so those pesky wrabbits can't see me. oh say can you say DENIAL?  

i started avoiding people who look forward to my posts so that they wouldn't get a chance to ask me why no posts?

i had lots of excuses. all valid.

i'm busy. can't a girl just be busy?

yet when i looked back to see the last post, it hit me in the gut. i AM hiding and am well aware of why too.

my last post was on 8/10. then i met with an international adoption therapist on 8/13. i can't share the horror of what we learned about one of our daughters here, but it was like the world dropped out from under my feet. how could my child have survived the things the experts say she has experienced? will she ever recover? LORD DRAW HER CLOSE PLEASE. HEAL HER HURT MERCIFUL FATHER.

just two hours later we learned that B is moderately deaf and needs hearing aids. the poor audiologist expected some sort of reaction from me when she broke the news. i didn't have any. i told her that nothing could trump the news i had that morning. i can't imagine much worse. hearing aids? bring 'em on!

so off to ENT, more audiology, physical therapy, ophthalmology, occupational therapy, speech therapy and neurology we go.

it has been a whirlwind of doctors appointments. we have had 11 appointments since the 13th and have over 14 more in the next three weeks. the man at reception at our local children's hospital/medical center stopped me on the way out last week and exclaimed, "wow! you have been here alot lately." i replied, "yup at least twice a week for the next three months." i can now say we are on a first name basis. wonder how he takes his coffee?

can i use my parking garage fees as a tax deduction???

i have become so anxious and overwhelmed. i was waiting on help from God. i do that alot lately. actually, i have never depended on Him so much as i have throughout our adoption journey. if i just sit still and wait, He will send aid, right?

last night i was watching a game show on GSN called the Great American Bible Challenge. teams test their Bible knowledge to win money for charity. anyway this well known verse came up and i let out a huge sigh...

Philippians 4:6-7

New International Version (NIV)
Do not be anxious about anything,(A) but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.(B) And the peace of God,(C) which transcends all understanding,(D) will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

i brought my worries to Him. i had already been anyway, but this time i did so without anxiety. i asked, with peace in my heart, for Him to look after my worries for me. amazing how He answers when we ask in the right way.

today He granted my prayer.

we met with developmental behavior again. upon arrival, i corrected S's paperwork to say she speaks Mandarin, not English, thinking great-no translator today-ugh...just as a translator showed up for us! woohoo.

hey wait a minute, she looks familiar. she mentioned her church and i almost asked her if it was the chinese church nearby, but the doctor came out to get us. just then, the translator saw A's bag from the festival last year and said, "hey, that is my church." my mouth dropped open, "is your last name Fong?" i asked. it was!

we had met at last year's Dragon Boat Festival. we spoke about getting Chinese Bibles and her daughter emailed me several resources. we even looked for her this year at the festival so she could meet the children we had talked about adopting, but unfortunately she wouldn't be there until the afternoon and i was paddling in the afternoon races.

sidebar...what you paddled? yup! i did...heehee. we lost, but it was fun. that's me waving.

back to my regularly scheduled rant...

we had a new doctor this time. it was tricky to talk about the issues we recently learned about in front of all four kids, so we spoke in code. the doctor totally followed me. she was fabulous. she agreed that traditional school is not appropriate for S at this time. big sigh of relief. finally a professional that agrees with me. she said she doesn't often suggest homeschool, but in our special case, we need to be sensitive to this hurt child. trust me...i'd rather her go to school. i don't have what it takes to teach this level of learning disability and teach three other children, but God is working on that for me. He'll figure it all out.

we will wait until all evaluation is completed before making a decision. hopefully we can find an appropriate alternative school that can nurture her as well as teach her. perhaps in a year or two she will have learned so much that i can bring her back home to teach. for now, i will do my best and trust that God will send help when needed. 

mrs. fong walked out with us and asked to be our translator always. woohoo. i could not say yes fast enough. we are even going out to dinner together next tuesday. here is the God part. S's referral for this appointment did not list us as needing a translator, but they ordered one anyway. then, mrs. fong was not even scheduled today, but her friend was. the friend ended up not having a car, so mrs. fong took her case instead. we did not really use translation services today, so she mostly sat and kept the children busy with origami and drawing paper. 

she wasn't there to be our translator. she was there to minister to us- to show us that God is working on it. be patient child!

this is not the classic case of its a small world. it is a miracle. a God sighting. He gifted me another support in my team. i have renewed hope that i have not felt in over three weeks. 

how can anyone go through this process without God? i ask it all the time, because i am consistently shown that He is here. He is at work. He loves us and is caring for us. i am honored that He is. i don't deserve it. i must be soooo annoying with all my belly aching and worry.

when we don't understand the why, the first thing we ought to do is acknowledge God. His plan is bigger than us. last night my parents Skyped me from Ireland, where they are on vacation. my dad told me they are coming home a week early. he broke his leg falling down some stairs. my first reaction was why did that happen halfway through my mom's dream vacation? hmmm...God has something planned. i just know it.

where in your life are you asking "why?" keep your eyes open for He is at work. i'd love to hear some stories of where God has shown up in your life lately. please feel free to post in my comments.

May He guard and guide and bless your holiday weekend!


  1. You know, you quoted my favorite verse. I framed it and had it on my desk. Unfortunately, in the process of clearing out Chris' room for Juliana, it has gotten buried. I need to dig it out and put it in a prominent place! Praying for you and your brood and asking that you'll do the same for us!

  2. Wow... Lots to pray about. Call me and let's catch up. I can't find the email with your #.

  3. You know what jumped out at me through your wondering how people go through difficult things without God. We have dear friends who just posted the very same thought as they have dealt with an extremely difficult year after losing their son in Afghanastan...they are making it through with God and can't imagine any other way.

    Praise and thanks to God for His faithfulness, even in times when our own faith may waiver.

    We love you and are praying!