happy thirteen sweetheart

i ache. i am missing a big milestone in my daughter's life. she is thirteen today(well, if you can believe the orphanage). she was found on october 6, 1998 with a note pinned to her chest outside an elevator in a Chinese hospital.

either she really was born on october 1 or she is a cabbage patch kid. remember on those ugly cute 80's doll's adoption certificates? how each one was born on the first of a month? who knew when i begged for one of those dolls...er...who am i fooling? it wasn't "one" of those dolls. it was a specific red haired pig-tailed girl named pammy laurice "born" on september 1 in a cabbage patch. i saw her in the store, fell in love, and hoped with every ounce of my being that my mother would cave and buy me the doll she referred to as homely.

i begged for that particular one. i picked her out. i coveted her. and i received her on my 10th birthday. oh what a joyous day.

i eventually went on to adopt another red headed pig-tail-braided doll. a child needs a sibling, right? i can't remember her name for the life of me. (sorry mom, i know you "battled" another woman in a bradlees department store toy aisle for said doll)

soon after, i grew up and traded my dolls for lip gloss and nail polish.

funny to think my life is repeating this scenario now. i have chosen two more children to adopt. i saw my ten year old's picture, fell in love, and have spent countless hours begging God to allow/trust me to be the one to love and raise her. (past posts will bring you up to speed on how our thirteen year old came into the picture)

it feels a bit like life imitating art. like a pinnochio story. BUT these girls aren't red headed-yarn haired-xavier roberts buttocks signed-bundles of joy. these girls weren't magically born and harvested from a vegetable patch. these girls aren't playthings. they aren't sitting on a shelf waiting to be a birthday gift.

these girls are real orphans. they have hard stories. they have hurts. they have been waiting. growing older each day. they need a family-FAST. they are real. forgotten. ignored. unloved by a cruel world who has turned their eyes from the unbelievable need and plight of the orphan. over 150 million children worldwide waiting for a home.

PLEASE GOD. FIND ALL THESE ORPHANS HOMES. LOVE. PARENTS. ALLOW ME TO BE BLESSED BY  A COUPLE(OR TWENTY) OF THESE CHILDREN.  IF IT IS YOUR WILL, FILL OUR HOME WITH CHILDREN, LOVE, LAUGHTER, AND HEALING ALL FOR YOUR GLORY.

i want them. i love them. i ache with missing my Chinese children, whom i've yet to meet. i am impatient wondering why it takes so long to bring them home. it is killing me to know i cannot hold my teenager and whisper into her hair how much i love her and am proud of my big girl.

what my cabbage patch kids taught me: 
i learned how to be a good mommy(albeit forgetful of names) by feeding them, dressing them, changing their diapers, putting them to bed, etc.
i learned that i wanted to have a family when i grew up.
i learned to have a momma bear mentality. (pammy was the first thing i asked for after a fire broke out in my bed in the middle of the night while i was sleeping in it.)
i learned what it is to love someone whom you've yet to be united with.
i learned about adoption.
i learned that we often get what we ask our parents for...including God the Father.

but these girls are real and i promise not to forget their names and tire of playing with them. EVER. i promise to not let another birthday go by without telling them how much i love and value them. i promise to cherish them and be thankful everyday of my life.

GOD THANK YOU FOR THE OPPORTUNITY TO RAISE THESE GIRLS. PLEASE WATCH OVER  X ON HER BIRTHDAY. HOLY SPIRIT LET HER SENSE YOUR PRESENCE. LET HER KNOW YOU ARE AT WORK PREPARING A FOREVER FAMILY FOR HER. SPEED US ALONG THIS PROCESS. JESUS, EASE HER SUFFERING AND HEAL HER SOUL. I ASK THIS AND ALL THINGS THROUGH YOU.

so precious beautiful daughter of mine waiting so patiently in china. happy thirteenth birthday. i love you and i am proud of you. i am counting the minutes until i can hold you. love, your momma bear.