Friday, August 26, 2011

China or Bust

our background check came in on saturday, so it was back to nyc again this week.

S left at 7 am monday for hartford to get the I797 certified and then onto new york to get it authenticated. he got home just before 8 pm with news that the consulate no longer authenticates for next day pick-up. he would have to wait to pick up that last document on wednesday.

OH GOD! YOU ARE AMAZING! YOU KNEW WHAT WOULD BE AND HAVE MADE IT SO THAT WE WOULD BE PROTECTED AND PROVIDED FOR. THANK YOU FOR YOUR WISDOM.

why would we be so excited by waiting another day? tuesday there was an earthquake that had the city evacuating buildings. it screwed up mass transit and commuting out of the city. if the consulate was still processing next day, S would have been involved in that mess. he was able to go back on wednesday and pick up the completed I797.

i worked into the wee hours of the morning compiling the documents, photocopies of passports, and family lifestyle photos. thursday morning i worked on them some more for a couple of  hours. we drove out to fedex on thursday afternoon and over nighted them to texas.

whew! out of our hands. they would arrive friday morning, get processed next wednesday and be sent to China on friday.

PRAISE GOD! YOU DID IT! YOU PUT THE RIGHT PEOPLE WHO WERE WILLING TO BE AVAILABLE TO HELP US EXPEDITE THIS PROCESS, IN OUR LIVES. WE ARE TRULY GRATEFUL.

imagine my surprise when the adoption agency called today to say that the dossier was accepted and that all we need is for our homestudy agency to fax a copy of their license to the adoption agency and it will be sent to China tonight! she said we win the speedy gonzales trophy for setting a new record for completing a dossier in less than three months. WHAT? it is leaving tonight? i thought it would be next week.

i cried....then laughed....then praised God. i feel so good that the dossier is safe and out of the way of  hurricane irene barreling towards us this weekend.

then a small voice whispered "your agent isn't at work today."

i thought "come again? what? she isn't there? no, everything is fine."

the thought niggled at me for several minutes. OK i will call and check. this is how the conversation went.

agency secretary: hello?

me: hello, is karen in the office?

agency secretary: no, she is gone for the day.

me: WHAT? how about her supervisor?

secretary: no, everyone is at a conference for the day and aren't expected back until monday.

me: (my response is shortened because i was begging and rambling) she has to come in, we NEED the license. this could screw everything up. we could miss our deadline. can you help me?

secretary: no, i can't help you. i don't know where the license is. you will have to wait.

me: (more lengthy begging and pleading....) can you call someone? someone HAS to know where it is.

secretary: well, i could try. give me your info and the fax number.

me:  please please please help us. God bless your weekend.

we hung up. i started praying.

really? a simple copy of an agency license could take us down? oooo, evil-you are a jerk! you have no business here. be gone. God will fix this.

ten minutes later i got a call back from the secretary.

secretary: i have the license. i am faxing it now.

me: really? you are amazing. thank you so much(gushing and complimenting-i'll spare you) God bless you.

about 30 minutes later the adoption agency emailed saying they received the fax and our dossier will be on a plane bound for China tonight.

YIPPEE!

the dossier will be in China by monday morning. 


sigh! peace and provision. nothing is sweeter. trust in the Lord. nothing is more important. knowing we're not alone. nothing is more comforting.

of course, i am still praying for another family that is in the same boat as us trying to beat the dreaded deadline and waiting on their I797. please help me lift them up in prayer.

GOD ALMIGHTY, YOU HAVE HEARD OUR PLEAS AND HELPED US EVERY STEP OF THE WAY. YOU HAVE MOVED OUR MOUNTAINS. WE THANK YOU, PRAISE YOU, AND GLORIFY YOU. PLEASE BRING THE PELLEY'S THEIR I797 AND HELP THEM GET THEIR DOSSIER TO CHINA BEFORE THE DEADLINE. THEIR LITTLE GUY IS WAITING ON YOUR PROVISION. GIVE THEM PEACE AND COMFORT KNOWING YOU HAVE THIS COVERED-YOU ARE AT WORK-MAKING ALL WELL. IN CHRIST'S HOLY NAME. AMEN.  




Saturday, August 20, 2011

whining and waiting

i have really been sweating it. we need one last document to complete this dossier stage of the adoption process. we were told that the timetable for receiving this document would be 45-60 days. after we hit 45 days on july 31, i was on mailbox watch. each day that went by and no I 797(fingerprint-background check-approval) left me sinking lower and lower into the what-ifs.

whatif it doesn't come in time  whatif we have to start over  whatif we get denied because our new homestudy will show we have hit some unexpected financial lows and shows that we don't have enough assets  whatif i didn't hear God tell me to do this and it was my will, not His? 

oh the noise of a nervous brain eating itself. not pretty.

just in case it was going to take more time, we decided to get all the other 12 documents certified and authenticated. 

monday, august 8 we went to hartford to the secretary of state's office to get the 12 documents certified. what that meant was that they staple a fancy paper with a shiny gold seal to each one stating that it is notarized by a legal notary and is a legal document. we were in and out in less than an hour. mission accomplished. that was easy. if it all could be!

but where is that I 797? by august 15 our 60 days had passed. now i am obsessed with the mailbox. is the person who is in charge on vacation? has it been lost? were we denied? why is it taking longer than the 60 days? are we going to miss that deadline? 

we waited thinking it will come. the adoption agency advised us to go to new york and get the 12 we had authenticated, sent to texas, and approved. they would wait for the last one to come before sending it to china. this is a gamble. 

thursday of this week, august 18, we decided to go to the chinese consulate and get their fancy seal put on all the paperwork. S and i got up at 3:45 am and drove an hour to new haven, got on a metro north train for a 100 minute ride, got to nyc by 8:15, took a bus to 12th ave and arrived at the consulate by 8:45. we were seen at the window at 9:25 only to be told they had stopped doing same day service as of august 1. WHAT? we have to come back tomorrow? oh no. back on the bus to grand central station, missed the 10:07 train by three minutes, took the 11:07 train to new haven, arrived at 1:30 and got home by 2:30 pm. 

travel to the consulate: 4 hours
consulate visit: 40 minutes
return travel: 5 hours

wait though...we bested our time on friday's return trip.

got up before 3:45 am(too tired to look at the clock to see when), on the road by 4:15 am, took the 5:40 am train to grand central station, took bus to consulate, sat in line by 7:49, entered consulate at 8:30, was seen at 9:12, got on return bus by 9:20, took 10:07 train to new haven, would have been home by 1 pm, but i wanted to eat out because i was too tired to think about cooking lunch after all that. we arrived home at 3:30.

total travel time in two days: just under 20 hours.

so i figure mothers put the guilt on biological kids saying things like, "i labored for 20 hours to bring you into this world!" do i get to say i labored over 4 months and traveled over 27,000 miles to bring you into my world?

but by friday afternoon i was still worried. do we have to do this another two times next week? will our fingerprints EVER come in? i have been praying non-stop for weeks.

GOD,  I KNOW YOU HEAR MY CONSTANT PLEAS, WHINING AND QUESTIONING. I KNOW YOU ANSWER ALL MY PRAYERS, BUT I'M SCARED. CAN YOU JUST HELP US GET OUR PAPERWORK?

my sense was that it is a control issue. He isn't going to come through until i let go. so friday night was...


GOD? I AM SURE YOU ARE BORED BY MY INCESSANT BEGGING. I WILL STOP. I SURRENDER ALL TO YOU. THIS IS NOT MY PLAN, BUT YOURS. TAKE MY LIFE. LET ME BE AVAILABLE FOR YOUR WORK. I WILL WAIT ON YOU. YOU HAVE YOUR WAYS AND THEY ARE PERFECT. I WILL STOP OBSESSING. IT IS WHAT IT IS.

this morning(saturday) we went to the dragon boat races and had a wonderful time. i tried my best not to think about the missing paperwork. i worked on total surrender. i had fun and was present to my children. i refuse to worry anymore.

bet you figured out what happened, right?

i got home and checked the mailbox....

IT CAME!!!!!!! PRAISE GOD!!! IT IS HERE!!! WE MIGHT JUST BEAT THIS DEADLINE AFTER ALL!!!! WOOHOO GIRLS-MOMMY IS COMING FOR YOU!

my mother always said, "let go, let God." she is right again. why did i worry? it reminds me of the song All Is Well by robin mark that always makes me cry....
all is well with my soul
He is God in control
i know not all His plans
but i know i'm in His hands



now we get to go back to nyc two more times this coming week. then we have to compile everything, get it in the mail to the adoption agency in texas and pray some more that it gets to china to be translated and logged in by october 1.

so pray please that it happens. but, i will not worry. i will not be a pest. i will surrender all...for i know my God is a wise and powerful God. He can do ALL things.

hmm, maybe i'll shout to the mountains once again...

Friday, August 5, 2011

Hiding in Plain Sight

whenever i get overwhelmed, i go into hiding. i don't call people back, i don't make plans, i try to stay in my quiet corner of my mind where no one can get me. it is probably a function of not learning how to process stress as a child. most of my family and friends accept this quirk about me. some don't. last month a friend "broke up" with my family because it took eleven days for me to return a phone call. 

here's the thing...i have been so busy in the last month. what were we up to? here's a rundown:
we have participated in two week long VBS programs, spent an entire week shopping, crafting, and decorating for one of them, been on about a dozen playdates, gone to church, started an adoption bible study/support group, had our adoption fingerprints taken,  hosted/attended several fellowship gatherings, hung out at our local beach, went to the fourth of july fireworks, library's chinese dinner, a class reunion, and an unexpected camping trip. whew! so much for hiding out.

what was i hiding out from then? the adoption.

from may until early july it was all i did. paperchasing, phone calls, faxes, appointments, homestudy, and on and on.

i needed a break. sometimes i wish it would go away and i could go back to my quiet and safe life. then i think of my two precious little girls 12 thousand miles away in an orphanage and i can't hide anymore.

so i have laced up my big girl boots once again and am marching towards our goal of bringing my girls home. next up? waiting for the approval of our fingerprints. we were told the process was running 45-60 days. well, it has been over 45 days and is very close to 60. i am trying to squelch my fear of missing our october 1 deadline.

PLEASE HOLY SPIRIT, FLY OUR RESULTS OVER HERE FAST. MAKE THE POWERS THAT BE MOVE SWIFTLY. IT IS YOUR TIME AND WILL, GOD. I KNOW YOU HAVE IT UNDER YOUR CONTROL. I WILL WAIT ON YOU, LORD.

if we miss our deadline, we start over. it is not the thousands of extra dollars and having to paperchase all over again that bothers me. it is making my babies wait even longer for their forever family.

two nights ago i had an awful dream. there was a knock at the door and when i opened it, there was a chinese man and he handed over our girls. i was shocked. they brought them to us? we are done with the paperwork? what is going on? he left without giving any answers. the girls came in and amazingly spoke decent english. our ten year old was a complete cuddlebug, but our 12 year old was not so much. they played with a bunch of children in our backyard and i was so excited to have them here. to love them, hold them, make them part of our family. what was so awful about that?

wellll, next thing i knew, our adoption agent showed up and tried talking to me, but before she could answer my questions, the man showed back up with a whole group of orphans and took my kids back. the ten year old clung to me as i promised that i would do everything in my power to come and get her as soon as possible. nothing would make me take 15 minutes longer than necessary.

i woke up from the dream just sobbing. what a tease it was to have them and have to give them back. even if it was just temporary. i am so glad God didn't choose ethiopia for us as you have to go two times instead of just the one. how does anyone meet their child and leave them behind?

so, the anxiety of adoption is getting to me even if i am hiding out from it.

on a positive note...yesterday we bought some bunkbeds for the girls. $100 for mattresses and everything. while S mowed the lawn, i emptied out HALF my closet so he could share it(not an easy task) and we moved the children's clothes into his closet in the playroom. their room doesn't have a closet so we had one of those temporary pvc pipe style wardrobes in the room. we had to move that out to make room for the new beds. S was shocked that i wanted to  put the beds up right away. what were we going to do? leave them in my living room until the girls come home?

so setting them up, making sacrifices, changing our bio-daughters' room drastically, made everything that much more real. one step closer to having our family united. instead of being stressful, it was fun. exciting. and as an added bonus-A slept on her own bed(she commandeered the new top bunk as E has the top on their existing beds). E was thrilled to be 11 and finally sleeping in a bed alone.

we knew this process would change us and force us to grow. we just didn't anticipate how it would look. i am joyful of all these blessings. if i knew then(before we made the decision to adopt) what i know now...would i do it again?

YES

THANK YOU FATHER FOR TEACHING US. FOR GENTLY SUPPORTING US AND MOLDING US TO BE THE DISCIPLES YOU WOULD HAVE US BE. YOUR MERCY AND PROVISION CONTINUES TO AMAZE ME. FORGIVE ME FOR MY FEAR AND ANXIETY AND HELP ME TO REMEMBER TO WARN THOSE MOUNTAINS OF YOUR AWESOME POWER. AMEN.