lost in translation

i bet over the next couple of years we will have many moments of "lost in translation"

my life in the past couple of years has shown me that our best intentions often are perceived differently when they reach others' worlds. i have been oblivious in a naive way most of my life...never intending harm.

again the lesson comes...

i heard over and over again how adoptive parents can send their child a package. stork goodies. boxes of home.

i imagined a scene where bao and xi are called into a room. nannies with disposable cameras get ready to catch the moment on film. the girls each are handed a box. they open them and see pictures. pictures of their forever families. entranced they pull out stickers, candy, clay creations from E, twirling paper animals from A, and assorted other goodies. they show each other their photos and...realize...they have the same pictures. could it be? sisters? both of us? they throw themselves at each other. twirling. laughing.

CUT. END SCENE.

many of my adoptive peers have posted pictures of their child opening their gifts from home. 

on my orphanage group i saw a photo album of the little one i had originally inquired about when we started this journey. she was smiling holding a pillow with a photo collage of her forever family. i melted. i am so thankful she is loved.

LORD, PLEASE WATCH OVER H'S FAMILY AS THEY TRAVEL IN CHINA THIS WEEK. PLEASE PREPARE THE CHILD FOR THESE CHOSEN PARENTS. BLESS THE PEOPLE WHO HAVE CARED FOR THIS LITTLE ONE UP UNTIL NOW AND THE PEOPLE WHO HAVE HELPED MAKE THIS HAPPEN. THANK YOU FOR CONNECTING ME TO THIS FAMILY AND LETTING ME BE PART OF THEIR JOURNEY. KNIT TOGETHER THIS FAMILY THAT YOU HAVE MADE NEW. WE TRUST IN YOUR PLANS LOVING FATHER.  

my turn...i emailed my new adoption agent inquiring how i could send the children our boxes. she gave me several articles to read and instructions and tips.

i clicked on one and was floored. you can see it here...http://www.atwakids.org/care.html

i can't stand the image of any child feeling jealous over my gentle xi. bao seems like a goofball and might not care much. why would i be sending one? for me? so i could feel like i am loving them? is it loving? would they get treated poorly by their peers? would they even get it until their last day at the orphanage? how have my kids felt watching others get presents from an unseen family? did they think "will i ever get a family?" did they dare still hope for a family after living over a decade in the orphanage?

i bought so many goodies for them. imagining their delight over each item lovingly picked out by our girls. sigh.

my intention would be to make them happy. what if that article is actually what is? the world might not see it like that. what if it hurts my precious girls? haven't they been hurt enough?

so i will hang on to my gifts. maybe give them one each day of our trip. i will be there to see their smiles.

MY HEAVENLY FATHER. THE WORLD HAS NOT TAKEN CARE WITH ALL YOUR CHILDREN. PLEASE HELP US ALL TO TENDERLY CARE FOR THEM. LET US BE CHARGED WITH RESPONSIBILITY TO DO MORE. AS YOU CARE FOR US AND PROVIDE FOR US, LET US CARE FOR THE ORPHANS. THANK YOU FOR CALLING MY FAMILY TO THE MISSION OF FAMILY FOR TWO. THANK YOU FOR PREPARING US AND I ASK THAT THE HOLY SPIRIT PREPARE BAO AND XI FOR YOU. IN JESUS NAME I PRAY. AMEN.