christmas love

you know you are loved when a child 8,000 miles away sends Christmas wishes. trust. love. sweet melting heart.


we haven't gotten the paper work we expected to receive that pushes us on to our next milestone. it was due some ten days ago.

BUT

we did get this...

translation:

Dear Mommy and Daddy:

   I’m your daughter Shen Bao Qing. I was so excited when they told me I will be your daughter and have my own parents. I’m looking forward to seeing you and living with you. Though I have never seen you, I think you are very kind and caring parents. Could you send me some photos of my future family? I want to learn more about you. Christmas is coming and I hope you will have a happy holiday!

I hope you will always be happy, healthy and successful!

Merry Christmas!

Much love for you

Daughter: Shen Bao Qing

unspeakable Joy!

THANK YOU DEAR CHRIST WHO HAS LED ME TO THIS LIFE.

thank you dear friends

i was waiting to write special thank you notes to everyone who has supported us by sharing their wealth or experience along the way. i imagined it would be some frufru card with a picture of us all on Gotcha Day(if everyone is smiling and not screaming) and the children's signatures there too.

reality is, that i have been humbled and profoundly moved when people have shown their love to us with donations. i don't know what to say, so I'll just say thank you and give a hug. what could you do to let people know how much they are loved in return when there are so many to be counted?

i didn't want people to think their care has been taken lightly or forgotten. i will try to send out fancy cards later, but for now... 

i can start by just saying thank you once again. i am blessed beyond reasonabalality (so much so that i made up my own word).

thank you dear sisters J and D for setting up a chip-in on their blog pages.

thank you A family for your radical love.

thank you B for getting us running before our feet hit the ground for the paperchase.

thank you K for showering us with love.

thank you J and H for giving us a honeymoon.

thank you F and T for your help during the power outage.

thank you Stafford Public Library for giving us energy.

thank you coffee purchasers for getting buzzed so we can get loved. shameless plug... www.justlovecoffee.com/thehallorans

thank you K for baking up some support.

thank you for everything Mom and Dad.

thank you S for making our ride safer.

thank you L for your trust and writing letters on our behalf.

thank you OSL for growing a community where adoption is celebrated.

thank you L for your display of love on sale.

thank you D for giving up your morning coffee buzz.

thank you to each and everyone of of you who are the Body of Christ making bringing my precious girls home a possibility.

GOD BLESS EACH AND EVERY ONE OF THESE PEOPLE WHO HAVE BAKED, SACRIFICED, SOLD THEIR BELONGINGS, BOUGHT OUR HOT SAUCE, FIXED OUR CARS AND HEATING AND WATER SYSTEMS FOR FREE, HELPED SPEED UP THE PROCESS, EDUCATED US, CHEERED FOR US, PRAYED FOR US, BELIEVED IN US, TRUSTED US, AND WALKED THIS WALK WITH US. GOD YOU ARE AMAZING IN YOUR GREAT LOVE.

Advent-urous!

Advent. my second favorite season of the year. time of preparation. time of celebration. welcoming in life.

Lent. my favorite season of the year. time of struggle. time of sorrow. new hope. new life.

i believed when i started my adoption journey 7 months ago, that we would be traveling to pick up our children during Lent. being the hardest yet most blessed time of the year for my family seemed appropriate.  i had no way of knowing that it was a possibility that we actually would travel in Lent. it is possible...even probable.

today we received our next step in the process. it is the I 800 Provisional Approval. near as i can tell, it means that our government is saying yes, these Chinese children may immigrate here as adopted children, thereby making them US citizens. there are more steps. i can't really figure them out. i ask my friends what to do, they tell me, it gets done correctly. honestly. i have done little of this on my own power. God has led me, provided resources and support, and the Body of Christ(God's people) has indeed risen up and donated most of the funds we need to complete a double adoption. thank you lovely people for being generous and part of our children's story. 

Bao

Xi

it is downright miraculous. i mean that literally. if you had asked me 8 months ago if we could start, complete, and pay for a foreign adoption...i would have said it was impossible.

THANK YOU GOD FOR REVEALING YOUR GREAT WORK TO US. THANK YOU FOR YOUR PERFECT PLANS. THANK YOU FOR SENDING YOUR FAITHFUL SERVANTS TO AID OUR CAUSE. THANK YOU FOR MAKING STRAIGHT OUR PATH. THANK YOU FOR YOUR PROMISE OF EVER PRESENT HELP. I KNOW I CAN DO NOTHING APART FROM YOU.  THANK YOU FOR MY FAMILY.

OK...so now it looks like we might be preparing to travel during Advent, traveling in mid/late january, and bringing the girls home for Lent. perfect. joy during the appropriate season and sorrow and new life during the harder season. so this month is truly shaping up to be Advent-urous.

just a side note, my friends M and R got their "PA" today too. my other friend is expected to get hers in the next few weeks. dare we hope to travel together for part of our trips? if not, that's OK, because it means not "one less"...it means "four less orphans"...perhaps our stories will inspire someone else to take up the cause of "one less" and so on...and so on...

lost in translation

i bet over the next couple of years we will have many moments of "lost in translation"

my life in the past couple of years has shown me that our best intentions often are perceived differently when they reach others' worlds. i have been oblivious in a naive way most of my life...never intending harm.

again the lesson comes...

i heard over and over again how adoptive parents can send their child a package. stork goodies. boxes of home.

i imagined a scene where bao and xi are called into a room. nannies with disposable cameras get ready to catch the moment on film. the girls each are handed a box. they open them and see pictures. pictures of their forever families. entranced they pull out stickers, candy, clay creations from E, twirling paper animals from A, and assorted other goodies. they show each other their photos and...realize...they have the same pictures. could it be? sisters? both of us? they throw themselves at each other. twirling. laughing.

CUT. END SCENE.

many of my adoptive peers have posted pictures of their child opening their gifts from home. 

on my orphanage group i saw a photo album of the little one i had originally inquired about when we started this journey. she was smiling holding a pillow with a photo collage of her forever family. i melted. i am so thankful she is loved.

LORD, PLEASE WATCH OVER H'S FAMILY AS THEY TRAVEL IN CHINA THIS WEEK. PLEASE PREPARE THE CHILD FOR THESE CHOSEN PARENTS. BLESS THE PEOPLE WHO HAVE CARED FOR THIS LITTLE ONE UP UNTIL NOW AND THE PEOPLE WHO HAVE HELPED MAKE THIS HAPPEN. THANK YOU FOR CONNECTING ME TO THIS FAMILY AND LETTING ME BE PART OF THEIR JOURNEY. KNIT TOGETHER THIS FAMILY THAT YOU HAVE MADE NEW. WE TRUST IN YOUR PLANS LOVING FATHER.  

my turn...i emailed my new adoption agent inquiring how i could send the children our boxes. she gave me several articles to read and instructions and tips.

i clicked on one and was floored. you can see it here...http://www.atwakids.org/care.html

i can't stand the image of any child feeling jealous over my gentle xi. bao seems like a goofball and might not care much. why would i be sending one? for me? so i could feel like i am loving them? is it loving? would they get treated poorly by their peers? would they even get it until their last day at the orphanage? how have my kids felt watching others get presents from an unseen family? did they think "will i ever get a family?" did they dare still hope for a family after living over a decade in the orphanage?

i bought so many goodies for them. imagining their delight over each item lovingly picked out by our girls. sigh.

my intention would be to make them happy. what if that article is actually what is? the world might not see it like that. what if it hurts my precious girls? haven't they been hurt enough?

so i will hang on to my gifts. maybe give them one each day of our trip. i will be there to see their smiles.

MY HEAVENLY FATHER. THE WORLD HAS NOT TAKEN CARE WITH ALL YOUR CHILDREN. PLEASE HELP US ALL TO TENDERLY CARE FOR THEM. LET US BE CHARGED WITH RESPONSIBILITY TO DO MORE. AS YOU CARE FOR US AND PROVIDE FOR US, LET US CARE FOR THE ORPHANS. THANK YOU FOR CALLING MY FAMILY TO THE MISSION OF FAMILY FOR TWO. THANK YOU FOR PREPARING US AND I ASK THAT THE HOLY SPIRIT PREPARE BAO AND XI FOR YOU. IN JESUS NAME I PRAY. AMEN.

  





still here and blessed!!!

i'll keep this short. we had a doozy of a storm and were without power for eight days.

eleven days of no internet and phone.

murphy's law that we would get our LSC(Letter Seeking Confirmation) in the middle of it all.

it is official...

meet Xi

and meet Bao

we expect to go to China to get them in the next 9-14 weeks. woohoo.

PRAISE GOD! THANK YOU FOR ANSWERING OUR PRAYERS. WE ARE UNWORTHY, BUT THANKFUL YOU TRUST US WITH LOVING THESE TWO SPECIAL GIRLS. WE NOW URGENTLY PRAY THAT YOU WILL PROVIDE THE REMAINING FUNDS TO COMPLETE THIS PROCESS. WE CAN NOT DO ANYTHING APART FROM YOU. WE TRUST YOU AND LOVE YOU, LORD. WE ARE JOYOUS THAT YOU ALLOW US TO SERVE YOU. WE BOLDLY ASK ALL THINGS THROUGH YOUR SON'S PRECIOUS NAME. AMEN.



resourcefulness

resourceful.


yup. i am that. its one more thing i can teach my children (i am taking stock of why i deserve to be a parent again...this waiting game is known to make your mind play tricks on itself).

miracles.


yup. i am a beneficiary of those. one more thing i can witness to my children.

CABBAGE PATCH DOLL UPDATE 

if you read the last blog post from me. i spoke of a favorite doll of my childhood. how prized and precious she was to me. a source of absolute love. ok, i am sure it wasn't reciprocated-she is a doll after all. but, she let me "love" her.


i was reminiscing with my mother after the last post. i accused her of always thinking the dolls were "homely" and thanking her for getting my pammy laurice. she told me a part of the story, i did not remember.

i have to go back and ask her who she battled for in a Bradlees Department store over, if it wasn't pammy's sister.

according to her, we were hunting for a doll for my sister as i already owned one(pammy laurice). the store we went to had a ticket system. this wasn't the first store we had gone to. she had heard there was a store in another city that just had a shipment come in. the line wrapped around the store like what you see at Christmas black friday sales. my mother didn't think we'd get a ticket at all, but sure enough we finally baby-stepped it into the store, to the customer service counter, and we were all led into a back room containing the dolls. as my sister searched for her perfect match, i perused the shelves and found one that looked just like my beloved pammy, only with braids instead of pig-tails.

i ran up to my mother with that look. she explained to me that each customer was only allowed one ticket good for one doll. it was my sister's turn to get a doll. BUT i NEEDED a sister for pammy!

my mom then made me a deal, she said if i could find someone to get a ticket for me, she would give me the money to go through the line by myself.

oh i can tell you that my ten year old mind was formulating a plan right away. i accept your challenge mother!

although i remember none of this, by her account, i walked up to a pregnant woman and proceeded to plead my case in my usual million words or less fashion yes i've been like this since childhood).

as she told me this, i thought, "what a brilliant kid i was!" i was proud of myself for thinking about who was the most likely person to help me accomplish this feat.

well, this victim pregnant woman took pity on one very dramatic, skinny, dark eyed, dorothy-hamill-bowl- haircut, pixie of a girl. i got my ticket, paid for my new friend for pammy, and was, as i imagine, very proud of myself.


hmmmm... i last likened my adoption experience, to adopting the dolls. i hadn't planned on getting pammy a friend. the opportunity came up. i felt love again and had to have more. i didn't know how i was going to make it happen, i just knew i was.

i am well aware that my Chinese born children are not dolls, but in a very real and grown up way, the story repeats itself. life imitated life.

i am adopting two children and i don't know how i am going to do it, but i am resourceful. apparently i have been for the last 28 years.

HERE'S WHERE I GET TO THE MIRACLES PART

last week, i had to complete a financial listing of all we had paid for and all the fees left to pay for the adoptions. i nearly fell out of my chair when i saw how much it was really going to cost. you see, i was stupid and really naive when i thought we could adopt two. i grossly misjudged the totals. gulp!

HOW ARE WE GOING TO DO THIS, LORD? I BELIEVE YOU ASKED ME TO DO THIS, BUT HOW? WE HAVEN'T THE MONEY. PLEASE PROVIDE JEHOVAH JIREH. HELP ME TO BE WORTHY TO RAISE THESE GIRLS. HELP US TO BRING THEM HOME.

at church i explained my predicament to my friends. they have all adopted. they know the reality of it. one dear friend said that i wouldn't have said "yes" to God if i had known back in the beginning the costs(not just the monetary ones either i imagine). she was right, i might not have. i should have been too scared. good thing i was just dumb. because now my family is walking a Faith i never imagined existing.

a few nights ago i thought i would take some time to catch up on my blog reading. i click on the first one on the list(my friend B's blog list) that is the newest posts and go from there. what i read on my friend D's blog shook my world. http://bygracewearesix.blogspot.com/ she posted about my family. she technically plagiarized a post from our friend J's blog. http://morethanwecanimagine.blogspot.com/ anyway, both of them have an APB out for the rest of the funds we need. they posted what is called a "Chip In" feature on their sites. anyone can go to these blogs and donate money to bring X and B home from China. they said some really beautiful things about my family too. i started sobbing immediately and praising God for his provision. He has provided me with wonderful friends. He has provided them with the ability to fund raise for us. He has provided us all with a perfect example of the Body of Christ in action.

THANK YOU MOST MAGNIFICENT GOD. FOR YOUR LOVE, YOUR GOOD GIFTS, THE FRUITS OF OUR RELATIONSHIP WITH YOU, AND THE OPPORTUNITY TO BE DISCIPLES.

i know not how everything will turn out. i don't know if He intends for my family to raise the entire amount still needed, but i do know that i feel SO LOVED. i will not worry or fret. i rest quietly in Him.

thank you to my dear friends who mean so much to me. thank you family for your support.

you are welcome to share this "Chip In" with your family, friends, church, email, facebook, etc. we won't be turning down any love! promise.

happy thirteen sweetheart

i ache. i am missing a big milestone in my daughter's life. she is thirteen today(well, if you can believe the orphanage). she was found on october 6, 1998 with a note pinned to her chest outside an elevator in a Chinese hospital.

either she really was born on october 1 or she is a cabbage patch kid. remember on those ugly cute 80's doll's adoption certificates? how each one was born on the first of a month? who knew when i begged for one of those dolls...er...who am i fooling? it wasn't "one" of those dolls. it was a specific red haired pig-tailed girl named pammy laurice "born" on september 1 in a cabbage patch. i saw her in the store, fell in love, and hoped with every ounce of my being that my mother would cave and buy me the doll she referred to as homely.

i begged for that particular one. i picked her out. i coveted her. and i received her on my 10th birthday. oh what a joyous day.

i eventually went on to adopt another red headed pig-tail-braided doll. a child needs a sibling, right? i can't remember her name for the life of me. (sorry mom, i know you "battled" another woman in a bradlees department store toy aisle for said doll)

soon after, i grew up and traded my dolls for lip gloss and nail polish.

funny to think my life is repeating this scenario now. i have chosen two more children to adopt. i saw my ten year old's picture, fell in love, and have spent countless hours begging God to allow/trust me to be the one to love and raise her. (past posts will bring you up to speed on how our thirteen year old came into the picture)

it feels a bit like life imitating art. like a pinnochio story. BUT these girls aren't red headed-yarn haired-xavier roberts buttocks signed-bundles of joy. these girls weren't magically born and harvested from a vegetable patch. these girls aren't playthings. they aren't sitting on a shelf waiting to be a birthday gift.

these girls are real orphans. they have hard stories. they have hurts. they have been waiting. growing older each day. they need a family-FAST. they are real. forgotten. ignored. unloved by a cruel world who has turned their eyes from the unbelievable need and plight of the orphan. over 150 million children worldwide waiting for a home.

PLEASE GOD. FIND ALL THESE ORPHANS HOMES. LOVE. PARENTS. ALLOW ME TO BE BLESSED BY  A COUPLE(OR TWENTY) OF THESE CHILDREN.  IF IT IS YOUR WILL, FILL OUR HOME WITH CHILDREN, LOVE, LAUGHTER, AND HEALING ALL FOR YOUR GLORY.

i want them. i love them. i ache with missing my Chinese children, whom i've yet to meet. i am impatient wondering why it takes so long to bring them home. it is killing me to know i cannot hold my teenager and whisper into her hair how much i love her and am proud of my big girl.

what my cabbage patch kids taught me: 
i learned how to be a good mommy(albeit forgetful of names) by feeding them, dressing them, changing their diapers, putting them to bed, etc.
i learned that i wanted to have a family when i grew up.
i learned to have a momma bear mentality. (pammy was the first thing i asked for after a fire broke out in my bed in the middle of the night while i was sleeping in it.)
i learned what it is to love someone whom you've yet to be united with.
i learned about adoption.
i learned that we often get what we ask our parents for...including God the Father.

but these girls are real and i promise not to forget their names and tire of playing with them. EVER. i promise to not let another birthday go by without telling them how much i love and value them. i promise to cherish them and be thankful everyday of my life.

GOD THANK YOU FOR THE OPPORTUNITY TO RAISE THESE GIRLS. PLEASE WATCH OVER  X ON HER BIRTHDAY. HOLY SPIRIT LET HER SENSE YOUR PRESENCE. LET HER KNOW YOU ARE AT WORK PREPARING A FOREVER FAMILY FOR HER. SPEED US ALONG THIS PROCESS. JESUS, EASE HER SUFFERING AND HEAL HER SOUL. I ASK THIS AND ALL THINGS THROUGH YOU.

so precious beautiful daughter of mine waiting so patiently in china. happy thirteenth birthday. i love you and i am proud of you. i am counting the minutes until i can hold you. love, your momma bear.